iWhat Could Have Been
by JimberlyShipper
Summary: Sam and Carly have a huge fight, and break up. Can they find their way back together?


_**Disclaimer: The characters of iCarly do not belong to me. Idk where this idea for this fic came from, I think from watching one of my old Cam vids. This is just a oneshot. Sam and Carly were together, and then they have a fight and break up. The song **__What Hurts the Most __**is not mine, either. It belongs to Rascal Flatts and the songwriters. Read on!**_

iWhat Could Have Been

By Julia

_I can take the rain on the roof _

_of this empty house, I can take a few tears_

_now and then and just let them out _

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in awhile even though_

_goin' on with you gone still upsets me_

_there are days every now and again _

_I pretend I'm OK but that's not what gets me_

It had been two years. Carly Shay had not heard from Sam Puckett for two years. She didn't know how she had made it without her. The breakup had been messy and it had hurt her more than anything she'd ever gone through. Carly mostly went through the motions, she didn't know how to do anything else.

College was almost over now, and she had no idea what she was going to do. She and Sam had had plans. They were going to move to California, get jobs in the fields that they'd gone to school for, get a house, and in a few years, they'd wanted to get a sperm donor and have a kid or two. Carly spent most of her days in a funk. She didn't know how to go on anymore without her.

She was going to UCLA, so she was already in California. She was majoring in journalism. There was a girl she was seeing, but it was mostly casual. She didn't have a lot of friends. Sam had been with her, Sam didn't go to school, she'd been doing _some_ kind of work. Carly had never been sure exactly what her girlfriend had been doing.

Freddie Benson was going to UCLA too, Carly often wondered if the boy was still in love with her. They hung out sometimes, Carly did it more now that she and Sam weren't together anymore. Sam had never really liked Freddie. Once they'd graduated, Sam had almost wanted nothing more to do with him. Carly had protested a little, but she'd just fit time in with Freddie when she wasn't with Sam.

On school breaks, she and Sam had gone home to Seattle, and stayed with Spencer, Carly's older brother. Until the break up had happened. They'd fought so much before, but it wasn't like this one. They had been sharing an apartment, since Sam wasn't a student, they couldn't stay in the dorms. She and Sam had had the biggest fight of their lives.

_Two years ago: _

She had come home from class, and there had been VCRs, DVD players, and bluray players and things all over the apartment. Carly had not been sure how they'd gotten there, and she had called out for Sam. "Sam, babe, why is all this stuff here?"

The blonde had come out of the bedroom, dressed in boxers and a tank top. She had been on the phone, arguing with someone. Sam had been sounding the angriest that Carly had ever heard. Then she had told them to hold on and turned to Carly. "Sup, Carls?" She'd asked.

Carly had not been surprised by the tank and boxers. It was how she dressed most of the time. "Why is... why are all of these things _here_?" She asked, as she dropped her bag on the couch.

Sam had gone back to the person on the phone, ignoring her girlfriend's question. It was about some stolen goods. Carly had assumed it was the stuff on her floor that Sam was arguing about. Then she'd finally gotten to an agreement, and had hung up the phone. "What's going on, babe?"

"Are you going to tell me why you've got all this stuff all over the apartment?" Carly tried again, as she went to the fridge, to get a wine cooler.

Shrugging, Sam said, "Just some stuff I'm selling, don't worry about it, babe." She had plopped on the couch and picked up a fat cake.

That gave Carly pause. She had closed the fridge with a snap, and then turned to look at Sam. "Are you serious? You filled the whole apartment with stolen goods? I thought we agreed you weren't going to do that anymore! I don't want to lose you because you can't stop _stealing _things."

Rolling her eyes, Sam had chomped on her fat cake. "You'll be fine, Carls. I am not going to get caught. Mama knows what she's doing." Then she had kicked her feet up on the coffee table.

Popping the top off her wine cooler, Carly had taken a deep swig. "Look, Sam, you get caught a lot. Do you _remember_ high school? Or our entire lives? You got in trouble _all _the time." She told her.

Getting up, Sam had finished her fat cake. Looking at Carly, she had folded her arms. "Look, Carls, I can do this. I thought we agreed that you weren't going to worry about what I was doing."

Carly had folded her arms too, meaning to stick her ground. She refused to back down. She didn't want to lose Sam either. And she was afraid she would if Sam didn't stop. "Please, baby, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I don't want you to go to jail. Sam, please, stop this."

Sma had shaken her head, her long waves flying about. She had reached for another fat cake. "No, I have got someone to buy them off me, and it will pay the rent for six months. I am not going to turn that down because of the possibility of getting caught."

It had gone on like that for awhile, and then it had turned out like that Eminem song _Love the Way You Lie_, only they didn't hit each other. Objects were just thrown all over. Then Sam had grabbed things and left. Carly had held out hope for a couple of months, and then Sam had sent for the rest of her things.

_What hurts the most is being so close_

_and havin' so much to say_

_and watchin' you walk away and never knowin'_

_what could have been and not seein' that lovin' you _

_is what I was trying to do_

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you_

_everywhere I go but I'm doin' it_

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends_

_and I'm alone_

_Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed livin' with this regret _

_but I know if I could do it over _

_I would trade, give away all the words that I _

_saved in my heart that I left unspoken_

Carly headed home one afternoon, after doing some news stories for her news show for her college, and once there, let herself in. Getting herself a bottle of wine, she sank down on the couch. She drank a lot now. She wasn't sure it was something to worry about, but Freddie did. He asked her about it sometimes. She always lied, it was easier. She knew he wouldn't think that what she was _actually _drinking was good.

She'd gotten a dog, and had named it Puckett. She called him Puck for short. He had been a puppy for awhile, and he was a full blooded German shepherd, so he soon got very big. Carly felt better having something in the apartment to protect her, since Sam was no longer there. It was very lonely without her.

Most days she ended up face down on the bathroom floor, hung over and trying not to throw up. She hated how she had retreated into herself like this. She had never meant to. Sam had just meant so much to her, she didn't know how she was going to get on without her.

Now she was going to class. She had no idea what Sam was up to nowadays, and she didn't know if Sam was even still anywhere nearby. Carly was on her way to English. Freddie was taking the class, too, and he was waiting for her outside the classroom. "Hi, Freddie." She said, looking at him as she approached. Her long black hair was clean, but hanging limply, and she wore a pair of shorts and a tank top, one of Sam's boyish plaid shirts, and a pair of Chucks on her feet. She didn't usually dress that way, but she missed Sam and this was a way to have her close.

Her friend was his normal clean cut self. Freddie was in fact still in love with Carly. He was aware of her still being hung up on Sam. Freddie knew he had no shot with her, but he couldn't help his feelings. "How are you today?" He asked, that question had so many meanings when applied to Carly Shay.

Shrugging, Carly entered the classroom, Freddie following. He was actually a comfort to her, she was glad to have something familiar now that Sam was gone. "I'm okay. I didn't get drunk last night so it wasn't so bad."

As they took seats together, Carly put her notebook and her English textbook on the desk in front of her. She watched as other students came trudging in. Carly wondered if she was ever going to feel any different. She was tired of feeling like the end of the world was always upon her. She turned to Freddie. "You want to go and hang out later? Grab some dinner?"

Freddie adjusted himself in his seat. He did want to. "Well, yeah. We're not... you don't want to drink, do you?" He asked. He had been out with her when she'd been drinking and he didn't want to do it again. It wasn't fun and she always ended up crying about Sam.

"No, I mean, if you don't want to we don't have to." Carly replied, she had stuff at her apartment if she really wanted to get wasted. "We can just go to Steak and Shake or something. Is that OK?" She asked, she wanted to go out and have fun, and try to forget about Sam and the horrible break up. Even if it wasn't ever that far from her mind.

Before Freddie could do more than nod, one of the other girls in the class came up to them. A smirk was on her face. "So, you still dressing like a freak?" She asked Carly. Her name was Chloe Mack, and she was in one of the sororities on campus. She was a tiny girl, no more than 5'2" and weighed next to nothing.

Carly had just rolled her eyes. The other girl had it out for her, she knew Carly was a lesbian and not into joining her sorority. She had passed up joining freshman year. Carly didn't know why it was such a big deal for her to accept. "Look, Chloe, I didn't want to be a part of your damn sorority because none of you would have accepted Sam." That and Carly was not really a sorority kind of girl, and never really had been.

The other girl seemed angry that Carly had not seemed to be fazed by her comments. Chloe really didn't like Carly, and she was not happy she couldn't get to her. "We would have." She lied. She didn't want to acknowledge that it had been true what Carly had said. She didn't like to let the other girl win if she could help it.

"Yeah, excuse me if I don't readily accept that." Carly shot back. It was unbeknownst to her why she was protecting Sam, after their big fight, but she supposed it was just habit after beign friends with her since grade school.

Freddie only watched, he knew that Carly wouldn't want him to step in. He felt very sorry for her. She seemed so hurt all the time. He didn't know the specifics but he knew that Carly was hurt. He assumed that Sam was the one who left Carly. All Carly had told him was that they had broken up. Freddie didn't want her to be hurting. He knew he should move on, but he was finding it hard. Especially since Carly had been hurt so badly. He only wanted to protect her.

As Chloe was working on a retort, the professor came in to start the class. Carly was majoring in journalism, but she wanted to be an author. She was minoring in creative writing. Freddie was majoring in computer programming, this English class was his last for his major.

When class was over, Carly was packing up her books. Freddie got his packed up and stood waiting for her. Carly was just finishing when they were joined by Carly's casual girlfriend. It was a loose term, it was more of a friends with benefits situation. Her name was Megan. She smiled at Freddie and then turned to Carly. "Hey, Carls." She said, and Carly had to force herself not to cry. Sam had called her that.

"Hi, Megan. Freddie and I are going to hang out if you want to come with us." Carly knew that Freddie was going to hate that. He always felt like a third wheel when she and Megan hung out with him. She just didn't see the reason in excluding the other girl. If she had somehow found out or they'd hung out without her, Megan would have been hurt. She knew how Freddie felt about Carly, and while she knew Carly wasn't into him, it still bothered her. Carly wasn't so sure she blamed Megan, since she was the one that was sleeping with Carly.

Megan watched Freddie's face. It remained passive. She then turned to look at Carly. "Sure, Carly, it sounds like fun." She said, she was about Carly's height, and had long honey blonde hair and greene eyes. She was slim and had very perky breasts. Any guy's dream. Carly didn't want to get more involved with her because she was still hoping Sam would come back.

Nodding, Carly started from the classroom. Megan was a journalism major too, it was how they'd met. She said, "I have to go check on Puck and then we're good to go." She had to make sure that Puck had been walked and had some food and water out. She wanted to make sure that he didn't mess up in the apartment. He was usually pretty good. He didn't mess up often, especially if she made sure he got taken out if she was going to be gone awhile.

Carly went back to her apartment alone, and Freddie and Megan went ahead to Steak and Shake. When Carly got there, Sam was sitting outside the door. She looked thin and a little gaunt. Carly was surprised. Even though she wanted to jump for joy she didn't. She set her jaw. She didn't know what to say. It would all depend on why Sam was back. "Why are you here, Sam?"

_What hurts the most was being so close_

_and havin' so much to say and watchin' you walk away_

_and never knowin' what could have been _

_and not seein' that lovin' you was _

_what I was trying to do _

When Sam saw the tightness in Carly's jaw, she knew that she had her work cut out for her. Sam didn't know how to fix this, or how to make Carly feel better. Sam got up, slowly. She was skinnier than she had been when they'd been together. Sam had been missing Carly like hell. She didn't know why she had been like she had when they broke up. Sam had always been a tomboy, and she had hated herself for the way things had gone. "Carls... I'm sorry." She started.

Carly let herself in the apartment, and Sam followed. Carly put her things in the bedroom, and then grabbed Puck's leash. The big dog was growling at Sam, since he didn't know her. Carly hooked the leash on him, and then told him to stay put. She had to get her keys, and then she could take him out. Carly also didn't want Puck attacking Sam. Puck was a very good guard dog.

"Wow, big ass dog." Sam said, as she looked at Puck. She knew that it was going to take a lot more than a little apology. Carly was acting pretty pissed off. Sam wasn't going to give up. She had spent the past two years, doing some things that were not exactly legal, but she had been miserable. "Carls, I know that some things were said, and it's been two years, but... I want to come back."

That earned a scoff from Carly. She grabbed her keys and Puck's leash. Carly had been praying for this for two years. But she didn't want to make it easier for Sam than she had to. She wanted Sam to have to work. Sam was the one who had walked out. Carly had waited for two months before Sam had sent for her things. "Are you serious?" She asked.

Letting out a breath, Sam followed her as she headed out with Puck to the road so she could make sure he did his business. Sam walked beside her, as close as Carly would allow. She wasn't sure what to say to get through to her. She didn't know how she could expect Carly to forgive her. "Look, Carls, I know I hurt you, and I regret it. You know that. But I just can't take it back. I would love to. I just can't. I love you. I want to make this right."

At each word, Carly's heart fell a little more. She didn't know how Sam could do that, she didn't even know how Carly herself could make the things she had done right. She had said some terrible things too. "We hurt each other... so much, Sam. I want to fix things too, but I just... it's going to take more than I'm sorry."

Nodding, Sam cautiously touched her shoulder, when Puck had taken his chance to go and he wasn't looking at her. Sam didn't know how to do anything but say sorry. "I will do anything you want me to do. I just can't live without you anymore. Please, baby." Carly was the only thing that Sam had ever really wanted. She had never really thought about anything else. Sam loved ham, fat cakes, bacon, and just meat in general, but Carly Shay was something she had wanted above all else. She said, "Baby, I promise no more fenced goods in the apartment. OK?" It was mostly because she had a new place to keep them, but she also didn't want Carly to know about it. The less she knew the better. Carly didn't want her to get hurt. And Sam didn't want her to get hurt either.

Listening to Sam's empassioned speech, Carly had decided Puck had let out all the bodily functions that he had, and went to head back in the building. She wanted to believe Sam. She had never wanted to believe anything more in her life. "I... I want to believe you." She hedged.

Smiling despite herself, Sam stopped their walking and stepped in front of her. Carly was only able to stop Puck from jumping her by telling him no. Sam was very impressed that Carly had such a good dog. "Babe, I promise. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. You could have anything or anyone you wanted. For some reason, you wanted me. I will never be able to repay you for what you've done for me. Just please, let me make it up to you. Let me come back home. Please, baby." Sam loved Carly, and she had also missed having sex with her. Sam had never had better sex in her life.

Sighing, Carly looked deep into her ex's eyes. She was trying to determine if Sam was telling the truth. She was also remembering the fight. It had been the worst fight of her life.

_What hurts the most is being so close and _

_havin' so much to say and watchin' you walk away_

_and never knowin' what could have been and _

_not seein' that lovin' you is what I was tryin' to do_

Finally, Carly leaned out and pressed her lips to Sam's. It was tentative at first, and then it was passionate. The rain poured down on them from above, and they didn't care, they just stood and kissed in the rain.

_and not seein' that lovin' you is what _

_I was tryin' to do_

_**Author's note: Idk where this fic came from, but oh my God it wouldn't let me go until it was written. Hope you liked!**_


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